The best actor we’ve got in this film is Jigsaw’s wife from the “Saw” series, who I believe was the worst actor in that entire series. Okay, so the plot here is a step down from a “Goosebumps” book, but unfortunately that’s not even the worst thing about this film. What follows is 70 painful minutes of people we don’t care about getting stabbed by roots, ripped in half by roots, killed in “ooga booga” ambushes and running around the woods.
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Imagine Cthulu covered in vines and roots and you’ve got a good image of this monster. Taking the dagger also unleashes the Mandrake, a tree-sized half-plant, half-animal monster. Unfortunately, this triggers the curse, which causes the “ooga booga” tribe to descend on them with their sticks, headdresses and other vaguely racially insensitive stereotypes.īelieve it or not, it still gets stupider. Upon opening the tomb, they find a ruby handled dagger, that they swipe to sell on Antiques Roadshow or some bullshit. They bicker back and forth on whether or not they should open the tomb because it might be cursed, which I’m pretty sure happens in most “Scooby Doo” cartoons. Our group of archeologists stumble across a tomb of a buried conquistador.
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Because really, how could a movie written by adults have a tribe of loin-cloth wearing, face-painted native-Mexicans running around yelling “ooga booga” (this really happens) and hunting down people with tomahawks, bone axes and sharpened sticks? Oh, that’s right.
People dressed up to mess with their friends of something. When the tribesmen are first introduced, you might think it’s a joke. We learn that the jungle they’re searching in is inhabited by a dangerous, ancient tribe that will protect their treasures with extreme force. Yes, you read that right, they’re hunting treasure. “Mandrake” follows a group of contracted archeologists working for a antiquities company that are hunting down treasure in Mexico. While Syfy will occasionally make a gem like “Sharktopus”, the other 95% of their original films are usually bottom of the barrel garbage.
Simplistic plots, horrible acting, terrible CGI and scripts that are cranked out in a factory don’t really make for a good movie. To me, it really doesn’t get much worse than Syfy Original pictures.
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